one year of travel

Ojai, CA

ONE YEAR OF TRAVEL. It is  h a p p e n i n g. And it may continue to happen after I’m “done.” That’s the thing that I’ve heard about travel…that it seduces you in the most delicious way. And it feels Right and Exciting and Risky and Liberating and many more feelings that I honesty don’t know if I have the words for that are wanting to drip down my chin as I type.

In my mind, today marks my first day of travel. Although, I’m sitting here in my parents' house in Ojai—a place I have lived before, visited before, and is essentially home to me. But today feels like my first day of travel. 

Perhaps because today I’m choosing to share my inner (as unfiltered as I can be at this time) self, publicly. On an actual blog; a devoted space for whatever I want it to be, and an agreement with myself that I will practice sharing authentically, publicly, regularly. Which feels like a really scary thing to do in the current social-media-landscape of “Likes,” and “Follows,” and “Shares,” and criticism on top of validation on top of the desire for attention on top of the need to be accepted and loved for who we are. And there is a fair to good chance that nobody will read this blog (except probably my family and my closest friends because they are amazing supporters). And that actually gives me even more of a reason to write it. To do it for myself. 

Today feels like my first day of travel.

Perhaps because I’m choosing to let go of, or let rest, many of the ideas and patterns and stories I have had about myself. That if I’m not an actor then I have nothing to offer, and therefore have no worth. That my appearance is something that has been reinforced as a high priority, and if I allow it to be messy, ugly, unaware, or uninteresting, then my value declines. That it is threatening to those around me for me to be a sexual being. And many others that have come into my awareness this last year. That I have sat with. That I have felt. That have moved through my body in painful and challenging ways. That I have tried to ignore because of the discomfort. But I’ve been consciously looking at these stories for months, and looking at them with reverence—how they have shielded me, cradled me, kept me safe in many ways—and am choosing to open myself up to who I am beneath them.

So, today feels like my first day of travel. And the dictionary definition of travel is "to make a journey." Hm. It feels quite fitting. I’m journeying into myself. And TODAY is the day  that I have chosen energetically. To begin? Continue? Start again? All of the above.

In literal terms (I suppose you’ll learn quite quickly how much of a sucker I am for a good metaphor) I actually WILL be traveling for all of 2019, and potentially beyond.

I will be traveling to Massachusetts to support my brother and sister-in-law in the birth of their first child (eeeeeeeee!!!!!!).

I will be traveling to Australia to meet up with Terence, my partner, my loverman, my sexy, Aussie, bubbuhganush (oh no, I definitely just revealed publicly what our pet name is for each other…heh heh), and spending a month there with his family, and with the absolute magic of that part of the world. I was lucky enough to visit for the first time last year. I’m convinced it’s where fairies are born.

I will be traveling to Costa Rica with Terence and a few of our favorite people to attend Envision Festival, and visit Pacha Mama, and perhaps some as-yet-unplanned spots nearby.

Terence and I will then be traveling to Oregon, to pick up our VAN HOME!!! A 2500 Ram Promaster that is being kitted out by this amazing company, Overland Van Project, to be the sweetest little tiny-home-on-wheels we have never experienced before. We then plan to make our way to Alaska. To take our time. Enjoy the unexpected journey there.

The rest of the year is yet to be discovered. And surprisingly, I feel a deep relaxation in my belly and a softening of my mind with the thought of spending so many months following the impulse of the moment and not being tied down to a schedule. I believe this is something Terence feels, too.

I have been receiving a clarity of messages from the deepest parts of myself lately, that this next year of travel (inner and outer) is going to be about the non-planning, the following of instincts, the allowing of what feels good, exciting, juicy, alluring, honest…and not pushing the agendas of fear, doubt, or stories. 

And with that, I realize the beauty that this next year may be everything and anything that I never expected.